The Letter
by Tokyopixie
Summary: She wrote a letter, that he wasn't supposed to see... (okay, so this might become R later...beware!)
1. The Unmentionable

The Letter  
  
  
  
A/N: This is only my second R/H fic.so go easy on me!..all of Harry Potter belongs to her majesty J.K. Rowling. I appreciate all feedback, good or bad. ^.~  
  
Hermione Granger sat on the burgundy, velveteen couch in Gryffindor tower, attempting to concentrate on the textbook in front of her. History of Magic could be boring, even for her. However, it wasn't the boring text that was causing her eyes to wander, it was the anticipation of a certain redhead.  
  
Hermione had finally decided to spill her emotions and declaration of love to him, but of course she couldn't do this to his face. She had scribbled out her heart onto one, rather extensive piece of parchment. It was even longer than her essay for Transfiguration had been. She also found that she couldn't just hand the letter to him. Instead, Hermione had snuck up to the boys' dormitory and left it on his pillow. She felt embarrassed at the brash move, but now felt even more embarrassed at how she had scrawled "Ron" in GIGANTIC letters along the envelope. As if he wouldn't know it was for him. Honestly!  
  
She returned her eyes to the text and spent the next several minutes trying to mull through it. Her thoughts kept drifting back to him though. Exasperated, she slammed the book shut. She leaned back against the couch, and gazed into the fire.  
  
"Thank you, Ronald. I had such a WONDERFUL time!" giggled a girl from behind the couch that Hermione was sitting at. She turned around, quietly, realizing that Ron and the girl didn't know she was there. 'Spying is bad!' she lectured herself. But, she couldn't just get up now!  
  
Hermione saw that Ron and Padma Patil were stepping down the last step that had led up to the boys' dormitory. Ron gave the girl that lopsided grin that always made Hermione weak. He bent down and kissed the dark-haired girl, lingering there for a moment.  
  
The two smiled at each other, and he walked her to the portrait hole. "Care for a walk?" he asked her gallantly. And the two were off.  
  
Hermione sat there shocked. Tears stung the back of her eyes. 'What in hell was he doing with that girl?!' she thought. Certainly it was something they shouldn't have been doing, especially since they had been in the boys' dormitory. Suddenly Hermione squealed. Her letter was up there! She had to get it before he came back! There was no way she could let him read it now! Especially since she knew he didn't feel that way about her. 'What a skirt- chaser.' She thought. She felt really embarrassed now. 'What if he had seen the letter?' It had been resting there on his pillow. She gulped as another thought came to her. 'What if he HADN'T seen the letter?'  
  
Hermione dashed up the stairs to boys' dormitory. She had to get to that letter before he did. She hurried over to the bed that she knew to be his. It was, of course, the messiest area in the room, with the Chudley Cannons posters everywhere.  
  
The sheets were in disarray, and one of the pillows was on the floor. 'What in hell had they been doing up here?' she thought. She sat on the bed of sheets, and started to frantically look through them for any sign of the letter. It just didn't seem to be there.  
  
Then she saw it. "Ugh! Gross! The nerve of him!" she screeched out loud this time. She had accidentally touched it too! Where she had pulled back the sheets, lay a very-much-used condom. Her heart sank further than it had at the sight of Padma. She knew very well now, what they had done and she was upset. She knew the girls liked Ron, but she didn't know he had been such a lady's man. She frowned in disgust, and hurried out of the room. Tears were already spilling down her cheeks. 


	2. The Letter

Ron whistled to himself, as he jauntily hopped up the stairs to the dormitory. He had had a nice evening with Padma. He didn't really feel any of that emotional relationship sort of stuff when he thought of her, but she was good in bed. He liked her enough. He was afraid she was going to start trying to make their relationship more serious soon, then he'd have to drop her.  
  
  
  
The only girl he felt like that towards, of course didn't return his feelings. So, he'd just have to move on. He'd already moved on, hadn't he? He'd had a couple of girlfriends, of course he hadn't told Hermione about any of these girls, but Harry knew. Harry ALSO knew not to spill to Hermione, because then he'd get a beating. Over the summer, Ron had grown to be almost a foot taller than Harry, and he was starting to fill out well. Harry knew all this, and would DEFINITELY not tell Hermione his secret.  
  
  
  
He walked over to his bed, yawning. Some of the other guys had already gone to sleep. Harry wasn't in his bed yet. Ron frowned, wondering where his friend could be. He sighed, and pulled back the sheets, suddenly seeing something he'd forgotten to clean up. He smiled, sheepishly. Ron, reached over to his nightstand for a few tissues, and picked up the condom with them. He rolled it in tissues and tossed it in the trash.  
  
  
  
Ron settled into the bed, turning out his light. He was beat. He put his hands behind his head, and stared up at the ceiling. His fingers drifted past what felt like a piece of parchment. He thought he must be dreaming it, but then his fingers grasped at it, and he pulled an envelope out from behind his pillow. He almost laughed at the "Ron" in big letters. Padma must have left it for him. He turned his light back on again, and opened the envelope.  
  
  
  
He gasped when he saw the signature. It wasn't Padma at all, it was Hermione. He gulped large breaths of air, and then began to read it.  
  
  
  
"Ron,  
  
  
  
I don't exactly know how to phrase this, so I'll just come right out and say it, okay? I like you, hell I like you a lot. I've known that I liked you since you risked your life in that chess match, first year. I don't just like you, Ron. I think I'm in love with you. You might not feel the same, but I've got an idea that you might.  
  
  
  
Over the summer I thought about you a lot. I didn't go to Bulgaria to visit Viktor. I know you were sore about that, so I thought I should tell you. You see, I never felt that way about him. I never even kissed Viktor. Ron, I want to kiss you. I feel awkward telling all of this to you, but I guess it's something you should know, because hell this its starting to hurt to keep it all in.  
  
  
  
I think we could make a great couple.maybe if we didn't argue so much, and I apologize for all of those arguments.even if I was right. Well.I guess that's not the point. But still, if you return these feelings, I wish you'd tell me."  
  
  
  
The letter continued on for several paragraphs, and Ron found by the end that he had been holding his breath. He felt like a fool. He'd been so embarrassed about his feelings towards her. Why had he been this fool? He had given up on her before he had even given Hermione a chance. 'What a bloody git!' he thought to himself.  
  
  
  
  
  
How would Hermione have felt if she had known what he and Padma had been doing mere hours ago in here? She probably would've been sick to her stomach. Hell, he was starting to feel sick to his stomach. Here, Hermione was declaring her love for him, and he had been out snogging and doing much more than that with Padma, and other girls before her. He felt like such an unknowing jerk.  
  
  
  
  
  
Could he go to her about the letter? Would she give him a chance? The better question was whether or not he could rid himself of his guilt. He'd have to come clean to her, otherwise his conscience would be weighing him down to his feet. He felt like he was going to be sick.  
  
  
  
Slowly, as a sleepy stupor overcame him, he began to imagine life in her arms. He just knew she'd take him. He felt himself falling for her all over again. Those pursed lips and puppy-dog eyes. Her wonderfully fluffy brown hair, she was just so cute. He sighed, drifting away to dreams of the girl that had captured his heart. 


	3. Tears Before Class

The following morning, Ron had awoken with a pleasant grin on his face. Dreams of Hermione had fulfilled his sleep. It had been a wonderful night of sleep, without question. After he had showered and dressed, he followed Harry down to the common room.  
  
  
  
"Harry, when is the next practice? I'm sick of George running us down." Ron groaned.  
  
  
  
"Tomorrow evening of course. He wants to see us almost every day now. Ron, seriously if you don't, then I AM going to pound your brother. He working us really hard." Harry whined as they stepped into the room.  
  
  
  
They went to sit down and wait on Hermione, as they did every day. Today was special though, he was going to tell her how he felt. Harry had already promised to give them some time alone, he had winked, making Ron even more nervous. They leaned against a couch, directly down from the girls' dormitory. As they waited, they chatted about useless things, like the latest Chudley Cannons game.  
  
  
  
Harry looked over at the Lavender Brown, and back up the stairs towards the girls' dormitory. "Um, Ron, Hermione doesn't usually take this long, does she?"  
  
  
  
Now that Ron thought about it, she did seem especially late today. "Hey Lavender, what's taking Hermione so long to get ready this morning? We're going to be late for Potions if she keeps this up."  
  
  
  
"She um.well." Lavender was blushing, and didn't seem to want to answer. "Hermione said she isn't feeling well today. Maybe you should go on without her."  
  
  
  
Ron and Harry looked at each other, concerned. "Maybe I should go check on her. Harry, I'll meet up with you in class okay?"  
  
  
  
Harry looked at Ron again. "Alright, see you there."  
  
  
  
Harry then followed the others out of the portrait hole for breakfast.  
  
  
  
Ron climbed up the steps to the girls' dormitory, in search of Hermione. He'd never been up in here before, so he wasn't sure of where he'd find her. He heard a sniffling coming from one of the beds, with the curtains drawn around it.  
  
  
  
"Hermione?" He called softly.  
  
  
  
"Go away Ron, please."  
  
  
  
He followed the sound of her voice to a bed in the corner. He slowly drew back the curtains. She looked absolutely miserable.  
  
  
  
"Ron, you stupid git. Go away. Please, just leave me alone." She sniffed and buried her head in a pillow.  
  
  
  
Ron patted her back, and began to rub it in soothing circles. "Hermione, I need to tell you something. Are you alright? We need to talk." He watched her with concern.  
  
  
  
She finally turned herself around and looked up at him. Her eyes were streaked with tears, and her cheeks were puffy. She'd been crying for awhile. "I'm fine." She growled.  
  
  
  
He stuttered for a second. "Um.er. Hermione, I..I need to tell you something, okay? I think I like you.I think I like you a lot. Hermione.." he took her hand in his own. "Hermione, I think I'm in love with you." He smiled down at her. But then horror overcame his face, when he saw her face crumple up into a frown.  
  
  
  
Hermione sat up to look at him. Then, violently, she slapped him hard across the face. "I saw you with Padma, Ron. Don't even try to play with me like you did her. I can't believe you, I really can't."  
  
  
  
He heard her mutter under her breath, "You're not even a virgin anymore."  
  
  
  
He watched her, shocked that she knew about Padma. "Hermione, please. Yes, I don't know how you knew about Padma, but yes, I did sleep with her. I'm sorry Hermione. But, I am in love with you. I.I read your letter. So, I know you feel the same way."  
  
  
  
Hermione looked up at him, frozen from the mention of the letter. "You.you what?" She cursed herself for forgetting about the letter. "You read my letter?"  
  
  
  
Ron nodded. "Hermione, I'm really sorry."  
  
  
  
She glared back up at him. "No, no you're not. I don't even know you anymore. Before yesterday I didn't even know that you had girlfriends. You've been keeping so much from me. I can't forgive that."  
  
  
  
She looked up at him. "Now get out."  
  
  
  
Reluctantly, he left her room, unsure of where to go. He certainly didn't want to go to Potions now. 


	4. Falling Away

He sighed, wrapping his cloak even more tightly around his body. The November winds were chilling. Ron was seated on a bench in the Gryffindor tower of stands at the quidditch field. He had decided to skip classes for the day, and instead just sit there and think. He had a lot to think about.  
  
  
  
Hermione was mad at him, really really mad at him. He couldn't blame her though. He'd been a jerk. He wished he could go back in time, reverse his bad decisions when it came to girls. It had just been so easy when the girl wasn't Hermione. There was no emotional attachment with other girls. He could just shag them, and send them out.  
  
  
  
Now he was regretting it. If only he could have his virginity back, and if only he could have her.  
  
  
  
"Ron?" Came a voice from behind him. The sound was so soft he imagined it had almost been carried away with the wind.  
  
  
  
He turned around to see her magnificent face. "Hermione? What are you doing here?"  
  
"I was going to ask you the same question." She smiled at him. "Ron, I'm not sorry for how I've acted. But I think we need to talk about it."  
  
He felt an overwhelming sense of happiness. Everything was going to be okay. Maybe she'd even settle for being his friend again. "Hermione..I..I.. I'm sorry. I've been acting like an idiot ever since school started back up. I.I.just assumed that you didn't feel that way about me, so I started dating other girls. .I was so upset by it that I made Harry promise not to tell you that I was seeing other girls. I guess I kind of let it get away with me, and I've done a lot of things that I regret."  
  
  
  
She sat down next to him on the wooden bench. Her gaze had drifted down to the barren field. "I wrote that letter before I knew. I even tried to get it back after I saw you with Padma. But..I saw that condom in your bed. Hell, I didn't even know that wizards KNEW about condoms, I thought it was just a muggle thing. I was so shocked to find that you were having sex." She looked up at him, with her sad eyes.  
  
  
  
In the moment, and looking down at her tragically sad face, he pulled her into a swift embrace. Her body went rigid, but in a moment fell limp against him. She buried her face in his shoulder. He closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of her hair, she smelled of vanilla. He sighed and held her closer. They remained in this embrace, watching the sun go down over the horizon. 


	5. An Invitation

The weeks that followed their rendezvous at the quidditch field were uncomfortable, and tension-filled. Hermione wasn't necessarily avoiding Ron, but she wasn't making any efforts to confront him. She had instead, buried her nose in books, studying for the O.W.L.s. She wasn't exactly sure of what Ron had been up to, but it seemed to involve neither girls nor books. Instead, it seemed to be more like a dazed predicament.   
  
  
  
She found herself watching him staring off into space numerous times. His was face just too cute with that dazed expression and lopsided grin. She couldn't fathom for the life of her what could be crossing his mind. Despite the childish innocence on that face, she knew the adult monster within. Hermione just couldn't forgive him for what he had done. Well, she wouldn't forgive him just yet. 'Forgiveness takes time, right?' She had thought she was in love with the red-haired boy, but the more she thought about what he had done, the less sure she was of herself. Could Hermione really allow herself to fall for someone like him? She just wasn't sure.  
  
  
  
On this particular December afternoon, she sat at a large oak table in the Gryffindor common room, studying for a Transfiguration exam. The Christmas holiday would be starting soon, which signaled the coming of the pre-holiday exams. She knew she had to do well on them. Besides, the more she studied, the better she'd probably do on the O.W.L.s.  
  
  
  
"um..Hermione?" A timid voice breathed from behind her. She lifted her face from the book she had been reading to find her nose mere inches from Ron's.   
  
  
  
"Ron?" she asked. He quickly pulled back from her face and stood upright, his face flushing.  
  
  
  
"well…Hermione." His face crinkled in nervousness. "As you know, Dumbledore announced another Yule Ball yesterday. And I…er" He smiled weakly at her, as if summoning his courage. "Rather…Hermione would you--"  
  
  
  
"Would I go to the ball with you?" She asked.  
  
  
He sighed in relief and almost smiled. "Well, yeah. So, would you? If it makes you feel any better, you're the first girl I've asked." He then gave her that wonderfully lopsided grin.  
  
  
  
Hermione looked at him for a moment. Then her eyes went back down to the text book. She sighed, a wavering, sigh. "I'm sorry Ron. No. I can't go with you to the Yule Ball." She shut the book with a loud slam against the heavy wooden table. She stood, looking up into his eyes, tears forming in hers'. 'I can't believe he asked me! He must've known I'd say no. Did he really think I'd just take him back for a romantic tryst?'  
  
  
  
Ron looked as though he had been slapped across the face. "Wha? ….oh, um, okay Hermione." Then he walked past her and towards the portrait hole. He took a last, pained look at her, and then stepped out of the common room.  
  
  
  
When he was gone, Hermione collapsed back into her chair, refusing to let tears fall. She just absolutely could not forgive Ron! He just didn't get it. They couldn't just leap into a relationship, they needed to take it slow…which meant being friends, not lovers. She looked back towards the portrait hole and cautiously walked over to it. She looked around the common room, and then followed Ron out of the portrait hole. She needed to make him understand her. 


	6. Confrontations in the Tower

A/N: Okay, thanks everyone for the feedback, I really appreciate it, I plan to take this story several more chapters. Just lemme know whatcha think, keedoke?  
  
BTW - as before, all of Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling (the goddess)  
  
  
  
Hermione searched the castle for the redhead. First she searched the Great Hall, on the off-chance he'd actually be in there. Then she ran to the library, but OF COURSE he wasn't in there! She racked her brain, trying to figure out where Ron could be. Then it occurred to her, of course! He had retreated to the empty astronomy tower. He had been going up there lately, whenever he needed time to himself to think.  
  
  
  
She flew up to the tower, feet clanging against the steps. Her breath caught in her throat when saw him sitting there by the window. Sharp sounds of sniffling was coming from his direction. She was frozen there, unable to go to him. She just sat there, watching him.  
  
  
  
He turned around to see her standing there in the doorway. "Please leave me alone, Hermione. I already apologized to you..and you still won't go out with me. So, just really, please leave me Hermione. Okay?" He looked over at her, smiling weakly, as if to put up a front.  
  
  
  
Hermione winced at this. Now they really really needed to talk. He had the wrong idea, as she knew he would have. She walked over to the window sill and sat down, looking at Ron. "Ron, hear me out, please." She looked up into his eyes, sparkling with tears. She searched out his approval to continue. He nodded, and she gave him a slight smile.  
  
  
  
"Ron, I said no for a reason. I like you, I really do. But I still haven't forgiven you for what you've done. It hurt me badly. I need you to understand that I want to forgive you, but it takes time. I think I might have real emotions and feelings for you, Ronald Weasley, but you have to give me time to make the hurting stop. So please, don't be mad at me." She looked into his eyes again.  
  
  
  
Ron turned and looked at her. "Hermione, if you like me so much, then you should go to the ball with me. I wish you would just go ahead and forgive me. Jeez, Hermione." He glared at her.  
  
  
  
"What? So you can just snog with me and cop a feel? What kind of git do you take me for?" She spat at him.  
  
  
  
"It wouldn't even be worth it! Padma's got a better body anyway! I'd rather shag her than you any day, Miss Perfect Hermione!" He growled.  
  
  
  
"Well, if she's so much better than me, maybe you should ask HER to the Yule Ball!" Hermione glared at him and stomped out of the room.  
  
  
  
"Maybe I will!" He called after her, in a fit of anger. 


	7. The Yule Ball

A/N: Thanks a lot to everyone for their comments and reviews. I appreciate the feedback!  
  
  
The days leading up to the Yule Ball were uncomfortable, especially for Harry. The poor guy had to keep dodging the damaging glares that Ron and Hermione sent at each other. Hermione was upset about the argument, but wasn't going to give in to him. 'It was the principle of the thing, right?' Ron's older brother George in the end invited her to the dance after he'd heard that she'd turned down Ron. She of course, accepted in spite of Ron. She didn't know who he had decided to go with, and she didn't care. 'Did she?'  
  
  
  
Hermione decided to not dwell on these questions. She turned back to the mirror, to check herself over. She was determined to make him jealous, this could be fun. George could be a gentleman, right? She examined her purple dress robes, checking for any spots or signs of wear. It looked good, she determined.  
  
  
  
When she met George down at the bottom of the staircase, he smiled and offered her his arm. 'What no pranks tonight?' she thought. His bright auburn hair clashed with his bright red dress robes, giving him a less-than-charming appearance.   
  
  
  
They walked together down to the Great Hall, where the Yule Ball was to be held. 'This is going to be fun.' She kept trying to convince herself.  
  
  
  
The feast was spectacular. Food covered every inch of the four long tables, leaving very little room for their plates. Pumpkin juice was in massive jugs every few feet down the table. Within fifteen minutes, Hermione felt fuller than she could have imagined. She glanced over at Harry, whom was staring intently at his date, Cho. 'So, he finally got the guts to ask her.' Hermione smiled.   
  
  
  
"Good stuff, eh Hermione?" George asked her through a mouth full of turkey and mashed potatoes. She winced, not wanting to see the chewed up food in his mouth. She momentarily looked over at Ron, then with a new wind of determination smiled at George.   
  
  
  
"Um, yeah. It's good." She had the feeling this night wasn't going to be as spectacular as she'd hoped.  
  
  
  
After the feast concluded, the tables, littered with empty plates and have eaten rolls, disappeared. Music filled their ears, and the dancing was underway. To Hermione's surprise, George was a fairly good dancer. 'He must have some experience.' She thought.  
  
  
  
They danced for what felt like hours, and then she needed a break. "George, I think I'm going to sit this one out. I'm tired." She smiled up at him.  
  
  
  
"Alright. I'll go get us something to drink." He patted her shoulder, and then went off in search of punch.  
  
  
  
Hermione surveyed the couples dancing in the hall. She saw a few pairs that almost made her laugh in surprise. You just never know who'll show up together. A particularly odd pair stood out, Neville Longbottom and and Seamus Finnigan were dancing awkwardly together, stepping on each others' feet. She had heard they hadn't been able to get dates, but this was ridiculous. She chuckled, and turned to look around at other pairs.   
  
  
  
Her breath caught in her throat when a redhead in deep blue dress robes, unlike the frilly ones from last year, waltzed by, a girl on his arm. It was Ron, and Lavender. She felt anger flushing her face as she watched. He was whispering something into her ear, and the girl smiled. Hermione watched as Ron coaxed the girl out of the Great Hall. 'Probably off to commit lurid acts.' she thought to herself, haughty in her anger.  
  
  
  
"Hermione." Hot breath tickled her ear. She looked up startled, to see George smiling and holding to glasses of red liquid.  
  
  
  
"Oh, George." She smiled falsely. "You scared me." She then looked back up at him with purpose as she graciously accepted the glass of punch. "George, if you don't mind, I think I'd like to call this evening to a close. You've been wonderful, but I think I have a headache."  
  
  
He sat down next to her and rested his arm on her shoulder, pulling her into a brotherly embrace. "It's Ron, isn't it?"  
  
  
  
She restrained the angry tears and attempted to give him a smile. He could be a really good friend sometimes. "I guess I'm not as secretive as I thought. I really must be transparent. But yes, I guess it's Ron." She leaned her weight against Ron's older brother and heaved a burdened sigh.  
  
  
  
"He's a stupid git, you know. He doesn't know what he's missing. He'll come around, Hermione. I think we both know he's sensitive guy. My little brother is stubborn, like you. So, just give him a chance, okay?" He patted her back.  
  
  
  
"Thanks George." She gave him a tender hug, and then quietly left the Great Hall. The party continued on, as she stormed down the halls leading to the Gryffindor tower, trying to not cry before she could reach her bed. She really needed time to think. 


	8. Guarding Hermione

He needed to focus on the here and the now. This girl in front of him, the one he's snogging. Ron tried to pay attention to Lavender, but his thoughts kept falling to Hermione and George. 'Why in hell did she go to the ball with him?' Of all people Hermione could have gone with, she had chosen his older brother, his quidditch captain.  
  
  
  
Ron squinted his eyes open, peering over Lavender's head, his mouth still involved in the kiss. He heard the sound of determined footsteps and he panicked. 'What if its ol' McGonagall?'  
  
  
  
A girl ran past. Not just any girl, it was Hermione. Sniffling noises were coming from her. He wondered what had happened. 'What has George done? Did he try to flirt with her? Did he try to kiss her?' Ron felt anger rising through his body, and it was all he could do to not pull away from the girl snogging and groping him.  
  
  
  
He pulled away from Lavender, swiftly kissing her once more. "Lavender, I had fun tonight, but a friend of mine needs me. I have to go. I'm sorry. Thanks again for a wonderful evening." He gave her a weak smile and ran off, leaving her there with her mouth open in a half-question of wonderment.  
  
  
  
Ron dashed down the hallways and up the stairs. He had to go to Hermione, she must still be horribly angry with him. He was beginning to feel horrible about that fight, it had all originally been his fault anyway, right? He had a sinking feeling that something had happened to her. 'What did George do?' he thought, outraged. If George laid a finger on her, he'd pound his own brother. Well, he'd try. George wasn't that much bigger than him.  
  
  
  
He reached the Gryffindor portrait hole, and muttered the password (hobknobs). He slipped through the hole and found the common room to be completely empty. 'She must be up in the girls' dormitory.' This would be the second time he's been up there, and he didn't have a good feeling about it.  
  
  
  
He gave up on his trepidatious feelings, and ran up the staircase. She'd have to at least hear him out. He stopped at the door and heard loud sobs coming from the inside. The sound of her tears made him weak. He just wanted to hold her until she stopped crying, he wished he could kiss her tears away.  
  
  
  
He fell against the closed door, and slipped to the floor. He couldn't go in. She'd probably just get even more cross with him. He couldn't risk it. The last thing in the world Ron wanted to do was be a problem for her.  
  
  
  
Ron slowly slipped into an uneasy sleep, guarding her door.  
  
  
  
He didn't leave until the other girls came back and woke him up. They sent him to bed, Lavender giving Ron a dirty look. He sighed, she wouldn't be too happy with him. He relinquished his post, and stumbled off to bed, finding that for the rest of the night, sleep wouldn't come. 


	9. A Knight

A/N: This chapter is where we get into the R stuff.so if you're offended by rated R Harry Potter fan fiction, then please please oh PLEASE avert your eyes! Kay? ^.^  
  
  
  
Hermione awoke the next morning to sunshine filtering through the curtains of her four-poster. She frowned as memories of the night before came back to her. Ron just wouldn't let up. When she told him that they should take it slow, he ran off to go snog some girl. 'What a git!' She huffed loudly and made a forced effort to keep from whimpering again.  
  
  
  
She stretched her arms and rolled over. Atop of one of her pillows was an envelope. She smiled. 'Maybe George has sent me a letter. How sweet.' She decided George could be a true gentleman when Fred's not around. She reached over to snatch up the letter.  
  
  
  
She found herself frowning again. The scrawl was obviously in Ron's handwriting. "What did he want?" she muttered to herself. She ripped the seal and opened the rough, off-white envelope. A happiness that she hadn't felt in a long time was quickly overtaking her.  
  
  
  
"Hermione,  
  
I've been a complete idiot lately, and I'd like to make it up to you. Meet me in the Astronomy tower tonight at seven o'clock sharp! I have a surprise for you.  
  
  
  
Love,  
  
Ron"  
  
  
  
Hermione smiled when her eyes fell on "Love,". Did he mean that? Or was it just a formality like all of his other letters from summers past? She decided it didn't matter. She'd go to him tonight.  
  
  
  
Hermione flew through the day, feeling better than she had in a long time. Tonight they'd make up. Tonight he'd apologize for his stupidity. Everything was going to be okay. The hours flew by as the classes did. By lunch time she was a nervous wreck. Butterflies seemed to be inhabiting her rib cages, beating their wings madly.  
  
  
  
Finally, the muggle clock by her bed informed her that it was six thirty. It was time to get ready and hurry up to the tower to meet him. She had been excited and curious all day. Ron had said he had a surprise for her. She didn't quite know what to expect.  
  
  
  
She combed through her mass of thick brown hair. She checked herself over twice in the mirror, before finally approving of the girl she saw in the reflection.  
  
  
  
She sprinted down the stairs and out of the portrait hole before anyone, even Harry, could say a word. She rushed down the hallways, hurrying as fast as she could without running to the tower.  
  
  
  
Hermione climbed the last few steps up to the Astronomy tower, her excitement at its apex. It wouldn't be long now. She pushed open the heavy, oak door and stepped inside.  
  
  
  
The moment she stepped in, she wished she could have turned and ran.  
  
  
  
"Ah, the mudblood. Greetings Granger." Malfoy walked up to her, smirking. "Don't worry about trying to escape, I've made sure that only I can open it from the inside." He stepped up to her, a full head taller than Hermione, he took her hand, pulling her along.  
  
  
  
"What are you doing Malfoy? Did you fabricate that letter? How'd you get into---" she was suddenly cut off as Malfoy's wand waved and he whispered a curse.  
  
"No one can hear your babble now, mudblood. So, please follow me, and do be nice. You certainly don't want to be angering me. It certainly won't do." He slapped her, knocking Hermione to the floor. "Don't make me paralyze you too. Now, mudblood, you're going to do exactly as I say, and you won't get hurt. Understand?" He smiled down at her.  
  
Hermione nodded, unsure of what to do. He'd really put her in a spot. What in hell did Malfoy have up his sleeve? Hermione rested on her knees on the floor, looking up at him. The more obedient she was, Hermione guessed, the quicker she'd get out of this situation. Certainly Harry or SOMEONE had noticed she'd left Gryffindor tower, maybe someone will find them. She sighed, no sound coming from her lips.  
  
  
  
"Now, take off your clothes mudblood. I will not have you wearing those despicable Gryffindor robes." When she didn't immediately comply, he barked at her, "NOW!" He slapped her again, her body slammed against the cold, stone floor.  
  
  
  
Hermione, tearfully disrobed. She uneasily slipped off her sweater, tossing it aside. She, in humiliated and defeated gesture, unbuttoned her blouse, exposing her chest.  
  
"Ah, good, I knew you'd be good for something." He cackled in delight. He grabbed her shoulder roughly, ripping the shirt the rest of the way off. His hand snaked its way into the cup of her bra. Her skin shivered at his touch and she felt dirty. 'How could she allow this?' She wanted to slap him and run. She felt so disgusting, Malfoy touching her like this.  
  
  
  
Malfoy unsnapped her bra, letting it cascade down her arms. "Now take off your skirt and panties. We are going to have some fun." He grinned, viciously. Hermione gulped, unzipping her skirt, and sliding it down her legs. She stepped out of it, but refused to take off her underwear. She stared at him, cold and defiantly. She wished she could just call out for help. Make any sort of sound.  
  
"What? Won't take it off will you? Then I'll just have to help you with that." This time he hit her so hard that her lip was bleeding, and her head was reeling. She was barely conscious from the blow. She could distinctly feel Malfoy's disgusting fingers ripping away her last shreds of dignity. She attempted to cry out, but no sounds came. She clawed at the floor, but couldn't get away.  
  
Malfoy situated himself on top of her, and with a thrust he was in her. "Ah, mudblood is a virgin. How wonderfully tight." He watched her face wincing. She wanted to scream from the pain, from the humility. She closed her eyes, and tried to shut herself down, to get away from him. No matter what she did, she could feel his hot breath over her face, his penis thrusting inside of her. He was too heavy. She wanted to scream. She wanted him off of her. She wanted to be in Ron's arms, or safe in her room with a book.  
  
  
  
"Get off of her Malfoy!" Ron stormed into the room.  
  
  
  
"Shove it..Weasley." Malfoy managed in between thrusts. He was quickly reaching his climax. Ron ran up to him, savagely pulling him off of Hermione. Hermione watched in awe. A wave of humility fell over her, realizing she was naked. She reached for her clothes, attempting to rashly cover up.  
  
Ron proceeded with his beating of Malfoy. "How dare you do this to her. Your worse than a Slytherin, Malfoy, you're a rapist. Guys like you don't live long. If you're lucky you'll live long enough to see the sunrise." Ron punched him in the cheek, Malfoy's face oozing blood.  
  
  
  
"What on earth is happening in here?!" McGonagall had appeared in the room. She stared in horror at the sight. Hermione on the floor, clothes in disarray. Ron, punching the life out of Malfoy. Malfoy, with his pants down getting the shit beaten out of him.  
  
  
  
Hermione kept her eyes on the floor, shivering and wrapping her arms around herself.  
  
  
  
Ron was quick to explain to the professor exactly what had happened. Dumbledore arrived and Malfoy was expelled. Hermione was escorted to the hospital wing and Ron was awarded ten points for Gryffindor for protecting his friend.  
  
  
  
Over the next several weeks, Hermione started to avoid both Ron and Harry. She was too humiliated for the human contact. She felt guilty and ashamed. It was almost as if it was her fault. She was the one whom had fallen for Malfoy's stupid trick. She couldn't look Ron, her knight, in the eye. 


	10. The Aftermath

A/N: I dunno how good or realistic that last chapter was.but thanks for all the reviews.I appreciate it lots guys! ^.^ btw---I churned out THREE chapters yesterday, so be proud. Happy Halloween to my readers.  
  
  
  
After Malfoy had left Hogwarts permanently, Slytherin had begun to give Hermione evil looks. They made fun of her every chance they got, and were invariably cold. Even Snape, a teacher, issued snide remarks towards her in the middle of class and steeped so low as to give her detentions almost every week. She felt very much alone in this world, with no one to turn to, not even her friends. She received hate mail from the Slytherins, and felt the looks of pity that other students gave her in the halls.  
  
  
  
Hermione resorted to not attending her classes on a regular basis. She spent much of her time in bed, not even going downstairs to eat. She studied profusely to keep up with her classmates. Hermione refused to speak to anyone but her professors. She wouldn't even acknowledge her roommates sympathies. She completely, and utterly alone.  
  
  
  
That January afternoon, Hermione was busy trying to focus on the essay she was writing for History of Magic. She was grateful to Professor Binns for allowing her to work outside of the classroom like this. As much as she tried to focus, the thoughts of shame and an overwhelming sense of filth filtered through her mind. She had allowed Malfoy's hands on her, and that was the greatest betrayal to her friends. 'No, Hermione. Finish this paper. You need to turn it in to Professor Binns before he gets angry for its lateness. She rushed through the last sentences about Grendela the Wise and measured the parchment to make sure it fit the requirements.  
  
  
  
Satisfied that the essay was long enough, she rolled up the parchment and wearily lumbered out of the bed. She reclosed the curtains of the four- poster behind her. Quietly, to make sure that no one would notice her, she tip toed down the stairs and into the common room. She made for the portrait hole when a voice came from behind her.  
  
  
  
"Hermione, please talk to me." It was Ron. Hermione turned to look at him, smiled weakly as if nothing was wrong at all.  
  
  
  
"Ron, I have to go. I'm in a hurry and need to turn my essay in to Professor Binns." She turned her back to him, and stepped out of the Common Room. Hermione hurried down the hall, hearing footsteps clattering behind her. She didn't want to have to talk to him, didn't want to have to see him. Oh, what he must think about all this. He would look at her differently, piteously. She, a girl whom had her virginity stolen from her. What would he think? Would he think she had done this willingly? Her pace broke into a run, and she panted as she ran faster, trying to get away from Ron, her knight.  
  
  
  
"Hermione, stop. Please." Ron cried through pants. As fast as she was running, he was faster. He finally reached her and grabbed her wrist, pulling her around to him. "Hermione, please just listen to me. Why are you so mad at me? I'm sorry Hermione, I really am." His face appeared crestfallen, and his eyes sparkled with tears. "Hermione, I'm sorry."  
  
  
  
Hermione looked up at him, in awe at his sudden apology and the tears she saw straining to keep from slipping down his cheeks. 'Why is he sorry?' She didn't know what to feel, confusion settled over her as she looked up at him and gave up the fight. "Your.what? What do you have to be sorry for, Ron?"  
  
  
  
He took her other hand in his as well, he turned his face away and kept his eyes on the floor. "I-I should have rescued you sooner, I'm sorry Hermione. I-well I let you down." His voice wavered.  
  
  
  
Hermione just shook in disbelief. "It, wasn't your fault Ron. I fell for Malfoy's horrible trick. It was my fault. I guess I let him hurt me. So please, its not your fault." She cupped his cheek with her hand. She gave him a forced smile.  
  
  
  
"Hermione, you wouldn't have just let him do that to you. You can't just pass it off like this-"  
  
  
  
"But I can Ron. Let's just leave it at that, please. It hurts too much to think about, so just drop it." Her insides were on fire. She wanted to cry out to him, let him understand her pain. She had to hold herself in check, she couldn't just pour her soul out to him like that. He'd find it awkward and ridiculous. She sighed, he was never going to look at her the way he looked at those other girls. She smiled again up at him, dropping her hand from his cheek.  
  
  
  
"Ron, I need to get this to Professor Binns, I just really need to .um get going." She gave him a weak smile and then hurried off towards his office.  
  
  
  
Ron sadly, watched her run off. She was afraid of him, and now he was worried about her. Could she never find him to be suitable as a boyfriend? He sighed as he walked back towards Gryffindor tower. 


	11. Confessions

After a week or so, Hermione decided it was safe to go to classes again. The torture of watching her classes from afar had been too much, so now she felt she should endure the tortures of the whispers and looks the other students threw her way. She didn't feel comfortable talking to anyone, so she kept her mouth shut, even when she knew the answers in class. She decided that it just wasn't safe to raise her hand. Hermione had become gaunt, thin from the lack of eating…….and the lack of happiness. Dark circles hovered underneath her eyes, and she knew she looked awful.   
  
  
  
  
She lay sprawled out on the plush, burgundy couch in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room. Books and parchment littered the floor beneath her, a text on her lap. She was studying for a Charms exam that was fast approaching when she heard a voice behind her.  
  
  
  
  
"Um, Hermione?" Ron had walked up to her, and now stood between her and the warmth of the fire. She sat up, putting the book back down on the carpeted floor and began to stand when he put a hand on her shoulder. "Please, Hermione. Just hear me out, okay? We've been having communication problems like this the whole year. Just give me a few minutes, okay?" He smiled at her and then sat down next to her on the couch.  
  
  
  
  
"Well, okay, but make it quick. I have to study for that Charms test." Ron turned to look at her, shock on his face.  
  
  
  
"Hermione! That test isn't for another month! I wouldn't exactly call that a pressing issue."  
  
  
  
"Just because you want to fail the exam doesn't me you should have to take me down with you!" Hermione spat back at him, the heat of the retort pushing her into an excitement she hadn't felt in a long time.  
  
  
  
  
"Please, lets not argue right now. I just wanted to speak to you, okay?" It seemed to almost pain him to let her win the argument.  
  
  
  
  
'I wonder what's on his mind.' thought Hermione. She looked up into his puppy-dog brown eyes and forfeited. She'd stay here and listen. "Alright, Ron."  
  
  
  
  
He heaved a wavering breath and then he began, "Hermione, what happened wasn't your fault. It really wasn't. And, maybe it wasn't entirely my fault either, but I still can't rid myself of the guilt. So, before we can move forward and continue our friendship, I need you to forgive me. You may think there's nothing to forgive, but Hermione, do it for my sake. It'll help me." He watched her reactions.  
  
  
  
Hermione smiled for the first time, in a long time and it felt good. She took his hand in her own and whispered, "I forgive you."  
  
  
  
She watched as the emotions contorted his face. He seemed happy, and sad, maybe confused too. She almost laughed aloud at all the confusion she saw in his beautifully freckled face. Then she saw something else, an unwavering determination.   
  
  
  
  
"Hermione, it might not be right for our friendship, but…I've been feeling something for a really long time. And, well, there's something I'd like to do." He coughed and looked into the fire. Then, he sputtered incoherently, "Hermione,canIkissyou?" He looked back at her after he had said it. He must've seen the confusion on her face because he repeated himself. "Hermione, well, that is, um, can I kiss you?"   
  
  
  
She didn't know what to do. She found herself nodding before she could even utter a reply. She wasn't even sure that was what she wanted, but she had nodded. He bent down awkwardly until his nose was mere millimeters from hers. He watched her eyes as he slowly, softly, touched his lips to hers. She closed her eyes, as if to make the sensation stronger. His lips were soft against hers. His lips parted, and she felt his hot breath sear her mouth. His warm tongue prodded her lips, and she gave it entry. She didn't know quite what to do with her own tongue, so she just attempted to mimic his movements. His tongue tickled the inside of her cheek and she had to fight the giggles down.   
  
  
  
  
His hands went to her waist, to hold her into the kiss. Still unsure of what to do, even where to put her own hands, she wrapped her arms around his waist as well. She felt embarrassed at her complete lack of knowledge on how to kiss, this had to be the first subject she'd approached that she didn't know a thing about.  
  
  
  
Ron pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. He smiled at her. "Hermione, this is your first kiss, isn't?"  
  
  
  
  
"How could you tell?" She asked nonchalantly. She absently ran a hand through her tangled mass of hair.   
  
  
  
  
"Hermione, it's okay. I was the same way my first time." She looked down, disappointment washing over her. This, of course, wasn't his first kiss. She could share no firsts with him, he'd experienced it all. She suddenly felt very unsophisticated, like a younger sibling trying to copy their older sister.  
  
  
  
  
"But, I wish it was my first kiss." He took her hands in his again, and kissed them. His face had flushed to a bright shade of red, contrasting his orangey-red hair. "Hermione, I wish I could reverse the past, I want all my firsts to be with you. I'm sorry I've been such a jerk this year, I know it's all been really hard on you." Hermione knew then, that she did in fact love him. Maybe they had a future together, who knows? She would tell him that she loved him, but not now. For now, it would be her little secret. She'd wait till he was ready to hear it, till he felt the same way.  
  
  
  
  
She snuggled against his chest, and they laid there on the couch for the rest of the evening, watching the licking flames burn down to glowing embers. 


	12. An Erection and a Problem

A/N: Guys, sorry this took so long to get out! I'm working on another project right now called "Revenge of the Kimono-Flapper" (I'm posting it here on fan fiction.net as well as on my site). Anyway, thanks all for the wonderful reviews, I really do appreciate them and they give me the initiative to carry on. ^.~ Hope you enjoy!  
  
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It had become common knowledge at Hogwarts that Ron and Hermione were an item. Harry had become thoroughly disgusted by it all. They walked hand in hand every where they went, and whenever they were together it was as if he didn't exist. He was thankful that he had Cho and Quidditch because he certainly couldn't rely on his best friends.  
  
  
  
Hermione and Ron stepped through the portrait hole together, entering the Gryffindor common room. No one was around as far as Hermione could see. Ron pulled her over to the couch where they'd shared their first kiss.  
  
  
  
"Hermione, there's something I thought you should know." His smile was broad, and it didn't waver with tension, despite the inner turmoil within.   
  
  
  
Hermione smiled up at him, taking his hands in her own. She could guess what he was going to say. She wasn't going to interrupt though, why not let him have a little angst? He'd certainly put her through hell and back in the past year.  
  
  
"Hermione, I love you." He looked expectantly into her eyes, as if pleading for a reply of the same sentiment.  
  
  
  
"Why Ronald Weasley, you look as though your unsure of whether or not I'll reply. Now, don't you know me better than that?" She giggled, which made him even more uneasy. He was visibly squirming in his seat, unsure of what she'd say.  
  
  
  
She leaned in so that their noses were practically touching. "Ron, I love you too. I think I've loved you for a long time, remember my letter? I've loved you since you risked your life for us in first year." She gave him a peck on the lips. "Ron, you should be ashamed. You should have known that I love you. Silly git, you are!" Then she released his hands and pulled his face down to hers.  
  
  
  
Her lips parted, allowing his tongue in and the kiss became more passionate. Hermione had been a quick learner, as Ron knew she'd be. 'How could she not be? She knows everything else in the damned world!' he thought.  
  
  
  
His lips were sweeter than butterbeer, and Hermione sighed happily. She attempted to pull away from the kiss signaling an end to it, but Ron urged her on with an intensity she had never seen in him before.   
  
  
Ron pushed her against the couch, pressing his full weight down on top of her. She choked against his kiss and he shifted his weight so that she wasn't entirely squashed by his body mass.  
  
  
Hermione found herself responding eagerly to his kisses, terrified but excited at the same time. It had never been like this before.   
  
  
  
Then Ron pulled away. Hermione groaned, slightly upset. He put a finger to her lips, as if to silence her. Then he let that finger trail down her body, first down her cheek to her neck, then down between her breasts to her navel. Then his hand stopped and he tugged at the oxford shirt beneath her sweater. He untucked it from the waistband of her skirt and slowly slid his hand up her shirt.  
  
  
  
Hermione didn't know what to make of this. It felt good, but should they be doing this in the common room of all places? Just then she let out a squeal of pleasure as his hand rubbed against a nipple. He'd never even touched her breasts before. Ron was different tonight and Hermione wasn't sure she liked it.  
  
  
  
Ron kissed her again, even more passionately than before. She kissed him back, exploring his mouth, but her eyes stayed open, watching his roaming hand. It had slipped back down her stomach and was resting at her navel again.   
  
  
She had an idea of where it might be heading this time, and she wasn't sure if she was going to allow it. His freckled, warm hand slowly caressed her stomach, then her thigh, then it moved down her leg to the end of her skirt. Her eyes widened in alarm. He was going to do it!  
  
  
Ron's hand moved back upward, under her skirt. She could feel it pressing her thighs open, allowing it further entrance. A lone finger had brushed against her panties and then she snapped her legs shut, breaking away from the kiss. His hand was smashed between her legs and she opened her legs up a little to allow it an escape from her skirt.  
  
  
  
"Ron! What do you think you're doing?!" She sat up, angrily. 'How could he do this to her?' She wondered.   
  
  
  
"What? I was just going along with the flow of things. What was so wrong about it?" He sat up too, looking at her anger flushing his face.  
  
  
  
"Ron, I did NOT give you permission to go there!"  
  
  
  
"I didn't know I needed explicit written out permission forms to explore your body Hermione. Other girls let me do it. Padma was particularly willing." Directly after he had said it, he knew it was a mistake.  
  
  
Hermione slapped him across the face. Hot tears trickled down her cheeks.  
  
  
"How dare you?! You know better than anyone else my situation, and I thought that you of all people could maybe be sensitive about it!"   
  
  
  
She stood up, glaring at him.   
  
  
"Hermione I--"  
  
  
"No Ron! You're not going to get out of it so easily this time! I was raped damn it. Padma wasn't raped, so she had sex with you. I know you're experienced and I know you think it's exciting. But I was raped. And I'm not going to let you rape me too!" Hermione gave him an icy glare that hurt more than a slap ever could.   
  
  
  
Hermione ran up to the girls' dormitory, leaving him there with an erection and a problem. 


	13. A Rose on the Floor

A/N: Thanks you guys for all the reviewing, I appreciate it! ^.~  
  
  
  
  
Hermione laid there on her bed, pushing her face into the warm pillows. She didn't want the anyone to hear her sobs, though she was pretty sure there was no one else in bed yet. She could see the last rays of sunlight filtering through the curtains encircling her four-poster. She brushed tears away from her cheeks.   
  
  
  
She couldn't figure out why he would do that to her. Every time that he touched her, not just today, but any day, she remembered Malfoy. She knew Ron wouldn't hurt her like that, but she almost felt herself flinch whenever he touched her cheek or almost cry out when he kisses her.   
  
  
  
She hated herself for doubting him, but she just wasn't sure about this relationship. Could they really make it work if she flinched every time he touched her? Could it really work if she saw Malfoy every time she closed her eyes?  
  
  
  
Hermione was terrified that Malfoy would never leave her dreams, that he would continue to make her hurt for as long as she was alive. She let out a raging sob, tears falling down her cheeks. She was mad at the world. Hermione was mad at herself.   
  
  
  
Ron had just been trying to be normal with her, she'd turned him away. She'd yelled at him. When he had started to touch her like that, she saw Malfoy in him and she had almost screamed. Hermione slammed her fist in the pillow, wanting it all to just go away.  
  
  
  
"Hermione?" It was Ron, a timid and meek voice.  
  
  
  
"Go away Ron, please, just………go away." She wiped quickly at her eyes, knowing Ron wouldn't listen.  
  
  
  
Just as she had predicted, he pulled back the curtains and sat down on the bed next to her.  
  
  
  
"Hermione, I'm sorry. It's my fault. I……shouldn't have done that." His eyes were downcast, and he was avoiding her eyes. His apology seemed legitimate.   
  
  
  
"Ron, I don't think we can be together right now. I'm sorry I've been stringing you along, but I don't think I'm ready for this relationship." She looked back up at Ron, cautiously. He suddenly seemed very cold and detached.  
  
  
  
" 'Mione, I said I was sorry, please don't throw away our future."  
  
  
  
"Ron, the rape is still too fresh. I---" A sob choked out of her throat. "I see him in my dreams, Ron. I still see him when I close my eyes."  
  
  
  
His eyes met hers. "Ron, I need to make it go away because I don't want to look at you and see his horribly malicious face. I love you, Ron."  
  
  
  
His face was flushed in anger, but he held himself in check. He didn't explode on her, like she'd expected him to. "How long do you need, Hermione? I can wait as long as it takes. A week? A month?"   
  
  
  
Ron looked at her, hopefully. His face fell when he saw the serious look on hers.   
  
  
"Ron, I don't know how long it's going to take. I just really need some space, okay? I need to figure things out and we need to be apart for me to do that."  
  
  
  
Then, the other shoe fell. He was angry, he was beyond furious. "Hermione! I am trying to be considerate, but I'm not just going to drop everything for you and for this. Hermione, I love you, but I don't think you can return a feeling like that. You're too selfish."  
  
  
  
Before Hermione could protest, Ron stormed out, dropping a blood-red rose to the floor at the door of the dormitory.   
  
  
  
Hermione hadn't noticed him holding it in his hands when he'd come in, but there it was on the stone floor, plain as day. She didn't even bother to pick it up, and left it there. She rolled over in her bed and let the sobs come again. This time, she didn't care who heard. Ron was an asshole, and he couldn't see her pain. She had to wonder why she'd fallen in love with the freckle faced red head. 


	14. A Shoulder to Lean On

The following morning, Hermione had not gone down to breakfast. She, instead decided to stay in bed, not wanting Ron to have the satisfaction of seeing her upset, her eyes puffy and red.  
  
  
  
Parvati and Lavender had each approached her and asked if she was alright. The two girls had attempted to coax Hermione down to breakfast by reminding her of the tasty Saturday brunch, but Hermione had despised the two airheads almost as much as she despised Ron.  
  
  
  
The sun's rays leaked through a slit in her curtains and she sighed. 'It must be eleven o'clock by now.' she thought.  
  
  
  
  
She felt the urge to talk to someone, anyone. If to just get out the tumultuous emotions broiling inside of her. Hermione couldn't talk to the other girls about her problem, and she DEFINITELY wasn't going to talk to Ron! 'He's the problem, after all!' she told herself indignantly.   
  
  
  
  
Without dressing, Hermione cautiously stepped down the stairs into the Gryffindor common room. No one seemed to notice her, standing there in her dressing gown. No one looked up, and she surveyed the scene. Neville was studying for a Potions exam. Seamus was on the couch flirting with Parvati, whom was giggling as he cracked stupid jokes. A few students in a corner of the room were playing exploding snap and howling with laughter. And there, at the table by the window, was Ron and Harry, absorbed in a game of wizard's chess. By the look of it, Ron seemed to be winning as usual. Harry scowled as a knight smashed his rook.  
  
  
  
  
She stormed over to the pair and, ignoring Ron, she spoke. "Harry, I need to speak to you."  
  
  
  
  
Without waiting for a response, she dragged him by the arm towards the girls' dormitory. Ron glared at her, scathingly.  
  
  
  
  
"Hermione! The game was not over." Harry protested.  
  
  
  
  
"Trust me Harry, it was over." With that she released his arm and quickly stomped the rest of the way up the stairs, beckoning for him to follow.  
  
  
  
"Hermione, I'm not supposed to be up here." He whispered cautiously as they sat down on her bed.  
  
  
  
  
"Oh yes, because you haven't been in the Ravenclaw girls' dormitory?" she snapped, her eyes cut to slits.  
  
  
  
  
A look of knowing shock appeared on his face, which was flushing a deep scarlet.   
  
  
  
  
"Harry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." Harry's gaze shifted to the floor.  
  
  
  
  
"What did you need to talk about? And Hermione, why aren't you dressed?"  
  
  
  
  
She took a deep, steadying breath to calm herself before she began. "It's about Ron, and it's about Malfoy." She choked back the sudden rise of tears in her throat.  
  
  
  
  
Harry wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders. He knew that his friends were having problems, especially with Ron's attitude this morning. He knew they loved each other, but he had to wonder sometimes if they'd kill each other before they got together. He watched her as he nodded, knowingly.  
  
  
  
  
"Every time I'm with Ron…….well, Harry I think of Malfoy, and it scares me. Whenever he kisses me, I remember that night. Last night, we were in the common room and……" this was difficult for her to discuss with Harry because…..well because it's HARRY! "and he started touching me." Both Harry and Hermione blushed, knowing the mature content in what she was saying. "Well, suddenly Malfoy flashed in my mind. I couldn't get the feeling of rape out of my head. I was so horrified that I pulled away and……….Harry, I slapped him. I hadn't meant to, but it just happened. We had long row abut it and, I don't think he wants to see me anymore." Tears slowly began to trickle down her asked cheeks as she looked back up at Harry. "I really didn't mean to slap him. I love him, Harry." Hermione felt like a fool.  
  
  
  
Harry pulled her into a warm hug, trying to comfort the girl.  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After Hermione had dragged Harry up the stairs, Ron had sat there for several moments, dumbfounded. Then, as suspicion crept into his mind, anger flushed his cheeks and heated him all over. 'Hermione had no right at all to start hitting on Harry! She had said she needed time. If she didn't really didn't really love me, she should have said so, instead going behind my back!' he thought angrily. 'It's not even behind my back! It's in front of my face, the nerve of that bitch. Honestly! My two best friends were having a tryst right in front of me!'  
  
  
  
  
Finally, letting his emotions get the better of him, he cautiously, silently scaled the stairs leading up to the girls' dormitory. He had to have a listen. He seated himself on the top stair, and pressed his ear to the door, straining to hear.  
  
  
  
  
"I really didn't mean to slap him. I love him, Harry." He heard Hermione's voice crack as she began to cry.  
  
  
  
  
All the anger evaporated within him, what was left was the overwhelming feeling of a grade-A ass. He couldn't believe he'd been such a jerk. He hated, more than anything else (even more than Malfoy) making Hermione cry. Despite his intense desire to prevent it, he always seemed to do something wrong. He didn't want to hurt her anymore. 


	15. The Love Letter

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews, I really do appreciate them. Also, thanks for keeping me in check! So, sit back and enjoy the angst! ^.~  
  
  
  
Ron added the finishing touches to the letter he'd written for Hermione. It had been a week since their argument, six days since the revelation. The whole week, Hermione had completely ignored him. She'd finally seen him for the bastard that he was, and knew to stay away. He felt such a sense of guilt that he nearly whimpered every time he saw her, whether it be in class or in the common room.  
  
  
  
Since, he figured, Hermione wouldn't give him the time of day, he had decided to write her a letter. It would be romantic and apologetic, he had decided. He wanted badly for Hermione to love him, but he'd settle for best friend. He found through separation, that he needed Hermione in his life, and that it was unbearable without her.  
  
  
  
He reread the letter over and over again, knowing that it could never be perfect. Then, after a last approving proofread, he spilled rose petals over the parchment and folded it up. He slid the letter into an envelope and attempted to write her name on it with the curvaceous beauty of calligraphy. Instead of being beautiful, it was overly loopy and messy. He sighed, that was him in a nutshell, never perfect, not like her. She was the poster girl of perfection.  
  
  
  
Without wanting to attract attention to himself, Ron had asked Pigwidgeon to come to his room from the Owlry through the window. He had decided it would save himself from the embarrassing questions that he knew he'd have to dodge.  
  
  
  
He tied the letter to Pig's leg with a scrap of lacy ribbon he'd found in the common room. He guessed that it might have been a girl's hair ribbon and he thought it was an especially pretty shade of blue. He sent Pig on his way out the window. Now, all he could do was wait. 


	16. Invitation in the Library

Hermione sat in the library, her nose buried in a book. With the O.W.L.S. coming up in the next few weeks, she found herself studying every possible waking moment. She had chosen the library for a place to study, because she knew that it was the one place that Ron would never bother her. It was a peaceful sanctuary. The musty scent of old books were a heavenly perfume to her and she sighed, she wished the year had turned out better than this. Hermione found that things were just getting worse and worse.  
  
  
  
A pit-pit-pitter sound came from a nearby window. At first, she just shrugged it off, returning her gaze to the Arithmancy text book. The banging got louder and more urgent and Hermione gave up the studying all together.  
  
  
  
Hermione turned in her chair to look over at the window and gasped aloud. It was Pig, throwing himself against the window. She rushed over to let the tiny owl in. Madam Pince hurried over to see what the ruckus was about. She frowned, glaring at her favorite student menacingly. She reminded Hermione that owls were not allowed in the library, and then strode back to her desk.  
  
  
  
She pet the little owl and attempted to usher it back out the window. It screeched in protest and she spied the envelope tied to Pig's leg. She untied the letter, with her name scrawled across the front. Then, Pig hurried off after nipping her ear affectionately.  
  
  
  
Hermione knew immediately who the letter was from. She'd recognize his ridiculous attempts at fancy handwriting any day. She walked back over to her desk and sat down. She slipped the envelope into the pages at the end of the chapter. She decided that she wouldn't allow herself to read it until she had finished studying.  
  
As the minutes wore on, she found that it was impossible to study, knowing that there was a letter from HIM stuck there, unread and awaiting her eyes. She growled in annoyance. Even when he wasn't there he could still irritate her in a way that she couldn't explain.  
  
  
  
Finally, Hermione gave in to her self-restraint and snatched up the letter. She opened the envelope and unfolded the letter. For a moment she almost guessed that it was in a foreign language, but on closer inspection she saw that he just had horrendous handwriting . She almost smiled.  
  
  
  
"Hermione,  
  
Before you rip this letter up, please just give me a chance. I'm a bastard, and I know it. You're right to avoid me. This whole year, I don't know what's been in me, but I've been very wrong. I've apologized before, and I'm sure I'll apologize again before it's all over.  
  
  
  
I've put you through hell and back, over and over again. I'm sorry, Hermione. I couldn't save you from Malfoy, and somehow I couldn't save you from my own hands. It was inappropriate, but my attitude was worse. I guess I was just afraid I'd lose you if we waited too long.  
  
  
  
I've waited a long time, Hermione. I've liked you since our first year, and I've been falling in love with you ever since. I thought if you took too long to think things through, that you'd see how much of a stupid git I am. I'm nothing special, not like you or Harry. Harry is courageous, he's the Boy that Lived. And you, oh Hermione. You're the smartest girl in our year. On top of that, you're the most beautiful. I know I haven't said it nearly enough, but you have the looks to go with the wit. You're everything anyone could possibly want in a girl.  
  
  
  
Hermione, please don't give up on us. Please see past my stupidity. I'm a screw up, but please oh please don't let it ruin my chances with you. I think I need you like I need air. Without you I would've certainly been in trouble many times before. But now, if I can't have you, even just as a friend, I'll surely suffocate.  
  
I know it's asking a lot. You may never want to see me again. But, Hermione please at least speak to me again. I need to hear the sound of your voice, even if its just you telling me that I'm an idiot. Hermione, if I've lost the chance to be with you, please at least let me be your friend again. I'm in love with you, Hermione Granger. Give me a chance to make it right. Meet me on the Quidditch field tonight at seven o'clock.  
  
  
  
Love,  
  
Ron"  
  
  
  
Anger coursed through her veins. How could he think she'd just drop all of his past mistakes upon request? She folded up the letter and marked her page in the book.  
  
  
  
She headed out of the library and towards Gryffindor tower. She needed to be beautiful for this rendezvous. She was going to make him beg for forgiveness, and she wasn't sure of whether or not she'd give it to him. 


	17. It's Not Really Goodbye

A/N: thanks all for the lovely reviews.I really do appreciate them.so Thank You!! ^.~ btw- sorry this is coming so late.I've been working on Kimono- Flapper all weekend (it's a novel..therefore takes precedence) .I'm also thinking about a new piece I have underway in my head.(yes another R/Hrm)  
  
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Hermione rushed out into the cold, starry evening not entirely sure of what may lie ahead of her. She knew Ron would be sappy, she knew he'd be apologetic, but what she still wasn't sure of at all was how she'd allow herself to react. He'd been an asshole to her all year, and she didn't know how to deal with it. Hermione knew she loved Ron, and she CERTAINLY knew he felt the same way about her. She shook her head, she wasn't going to let this affect her, Hermione wasn't going to cry.  
  
  
  
She had dressed up as much as one could dress up in a school uniform. Hermione had used a spell Parvati taught her to force her hair into soft ringlets, instead of the frizzy terror she faced each day. She had swept it up into a coil at her neck, allowing a few strands to frame her face. She'd also added soft shades of color to her face with makeup and dabbed a tiny bit of glitter over her eyes. She knew she looked great. She almost didn't recognize herself in the mirror. She was going to make his jaw drop.  
  
  
  
Hermione walked the short distance over to the quidditch field, keeping her eyes open for roaming teachers who might punish her for being out so late. Once on the field she saw him, he was standing there with off-white candles levitating in the air around him, their flames flickering in the wind. He had a very nervous expression on his face, and it seemed as though he might be ill. Then, he saw her. His face changed into an expression of complete and utter joy. The façade from a moment ago was completely gone. He gave a long sigh, as though he'd been holding his breath.  
  
"Hermione, you came. I...I was so worried you wouldn't show up." He took a step towards her. However, she kept an icy tone and kept her distance.  
  
"Ron, I'm only here to set a few things straight. We need to talk about this, and we need to get past it. I don't think we can see each other anymore. I'd like to be friends, but honestly I don't think that's possible right---"  
  
"Hermione stop for a moment. Please." He cut her off and reached out to her. She didn't reciprocate the movement so he breached her personal space and grabbed her hand. "Hermione, what I did was wrong, it was more than wrong and I know it. Everything I do around you is a mistake. Sometimes I feel so clumsy around you and, though you might not see it, Hermione I get nervous around you. I say the wrong thing, I do the wrong thing.I'm just not sure of how to act."  
  
"Ron--"  
  
  
  
"No, let me finish. Please. Hermione, I wasn't sure of how to treat you as a girlfriend. We've been best friends for such a long time. You can understand how the rules are a bit blurred. This relationship isn't like the ones I've had with girls in the past. With you, it's different. We were best friends first. Sometimes I'm just not sure of what to do. I went past my limits, and I reminded you of Malfoy. It hurt me when you said that, and honestly, it made me mad. No matter what, Hermione, I always revert back to that guiltiness I felt when I didn't get to you in time. Hermione, I'm sorry." He looked relieved to have gotten all of this off his chest.  
  
  
  
"May I speak now?"  
  
  
  
"Yeah."  
  
  
  
"Ron, you've been so much more than a best friend to me. You're an amazing person. But, this year has been very painful, and I hope that you can understand that."  
  
  
  
"And I do, trust me I do Hermione." His face blushed brightly.  
  
  
  
"I love you, Ron."  
  
  
  
"I love you too, Hermione." She smiled up at him, taking both of his hands in her own. Then, almost sadly, she let go.  
  
  
  
"Goodbye Ron." She gave him one last weak smile and then left him, heading back towards the castle. She left him standing there in the darkness with the candles floating around him, a semblance of understanding on his features. He knew it wasn't really goodbye. 


	18. After the OWLs

A/N: Thanks all for the fantastic reviews! I really appreciate them! I saw Chamber of Secrets 3 times this weekend! LOL ^.~ It was great.and I love the little bit Ron/Hermione cuteness they added on to the end. It was fantastic!  
  
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The weeks following their goodbye were filled with an all-consuming tension. Every fifth year at Hogwarts felt it, they all knew the O.W.L.S. were coming. The week they finally arrived Hermione was ready.  
  
  
  
Hermione and Ron were developing a friendship, and Harry had begun to really feel comfortable around them again. To him it was like old times, except that he had Cho too. He felt truly content, except of course for the major exams that had been fast approaching.  
  
  
  
The week of the O.W.L.S. was nerve racking for all of the students, except for Hermione. She felt confidant that she had studied enough and that she was ready. As the students headed to Professor McGonagall's classroom to take the exam, she followed her friends striding confidantly and happily. She was going to do well, and she knew it.  
  
"Hermione" Ron whispered. "What are you so happy about?" He was gulping air nervously as McGonagall passed around anti-cheating quills.  
  
  
  
"We're taking the O.W.L.S. That's enough excitement, isn't it?" She beamed at him and he rolled his eyes.  
  
  
  
"You may all begin." Professor McGonagall announced as she walked along the path between the desks. She had bewitched the quills to prevent the students from cheating, but she knew you could never be too careful.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Ron and Hermione walked out of the classroom together three hours later.  
  
  
  
"Their getting pretty cozy, aren't they?" Ron asked, nodding towards Harry and Cho as the couple escaped the classroom, hands clasped. The two were gazing into each others' eyes.  
  
  
  
"Oh, just leave them alone. They're cute." Hermione smiled over at her friend, watching him kiss the Asian girl.  
  
  
  
"Gruesome is more like it." Hermione rolled her eyes. "If it were me, I'd rather have that sort of intimacy in private. I wouldn't just snog a girl out here."  
  
  
  
Ignoring his statement as her face flushed with embarrassement Hermione said, "How do you think you did on the exam?"  
  
  
  
"Don't remind me! Ugh, please Hermione, can't we talk about something else?" They turned a corner on their way back up to Gryffindor tower.  
  
  
  
"Suit yourself." She smiled, wizened. She found herself curious about just how well the redheaded boy had done. She knew he'd waited till the last minute to study and she had lectured him up and down for it.  
  
  
  
Ron grabbed her wrist and pulled Hermione into an empty classroom. "Ron! I-- -"  
  
  
  
Hermione began to protest, but then shut her mouth again. Her eyes widened as her gaze circled around the room. It was full of floating candles, a levitating rose with the air littered by hundreds of rose petals, and near a desk was a small levitating box. She felt her breath escape her.  
  
  
  
"Ron---"  
  
  
  
He tugged at her hand and pulled her over the floating candles, careful to avoid hitting her with them and carefully dodging them himself. "Hermione. I've put a lot of thought into what you said that day, on the quidditch field. I've done horrible things to you, and I've worked hard to make it up to you."  
  
  
  
He plucked the rose out of the air. Ron presented her with the blood-red, thornless rose. He swallowed, gazing into her eyes. "I love you, Hermione."  
  
  
  
"I love you too, Ron." A tear escaped her eye and she reached up to hug him. They remained in the embrace for several moments.  
  
  
  
Finally, Ron freed her from the embrace and touched her face, holding it still. Hesitantly, he looked into her eyes. She nodded to him, then he bent down, his lips brushing hers. They reveled in the first kiss they'd shared since the argument. It was a gentle, careful kiss. He didn't push her or try to pressure her lips apart. He simply, gently kissed her.  
  
  
  
When they parted, Hermione's eyes drifted upward towards the small velvet box. "Ron" she said curiously "What's that?"  
  
  
  
His ears went red. "Oh, that! Um, Hermione. This might be rushing it a bit, but," He plucked the box from the air and presented it to her. "Hermione, I wish you'd be my girlfriend again." He watched her intensely, tension overrunning his body.  
  
  
  
She opened the little black, velvet box to find a small ring inside. It was a small opal stone set in a beautiful silver. She smiled up at him and then he sighed.  
  
  
  
She slid it up her left ring finger and smiled at him again. "Ron, you have to promise me you won't pressure me again. You have to let me come around on my own time, okay?"  
  
  
  
"Anything, Hermione." He smiled apprehensively.  
  
  
  
"Yes, Ron. Yes, I'll be your girlfriend again." She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug. "I love you, Ron." She whispered into his ear.  
  
  
  
"I love you too, Hermione." His lips found hers, and they shared another tender kiss, shimmering candles floating around them. 


End file.
